Opinions
What is asexuality?
by Bre Woligroski
Dear Ate Anna,
I am 24 years old don’t have any interest in dating. My family is pressuring me to get married soon. I have gone on a few dates over the last year but I do not feel interested in building a relationship, or even being physically intimate with anybody. What is wrong with me?
Rosamie
Dear Rosamie,
Thank you for asking this question. Nothing is wrong with you; what you are feeling is a normal experience for many people.
Every person is unique and experiences their own sexuality differently. Some people want to be in a physically intimate relationship with another person, and some people do not. There is no right or wrong way for you to understand your own sexuality. It is up to you to define for yourself who you are and what you want for your life.
There can be many reasons why a person doesn’t want to be in a long-term relationship. They may be very focused on their career and don’t want the distraction of a relationship or family. Perhaps their heart was broken when they were younger and they don’t want to risk that again. Maybe the timing is bad. Or maybe there is a part of their sexuality they have not yet considered, and just need time to discover themselves.
One type of sexuality that we don’t often talk about is asexuality. Asexuality is a word that describes people who do not feel sexual attraction towards others, or who may feel it in ways different than a more traditional idea of relationships. It can be challenging to talk about asexuality because there are so many different experiences within it, but this is the general idea.
Some asexual people do not want any romantic or sexual relationship with others at all. Some asexual people want a long-term romantic relationship with another partner or partners, where they share lives together in every way except sexually. Some asexual people are interested in kissing and making out with others but do not want to be involved in any sexual activity beyond this. There are many different understandings of asexuality.
Being asexual is not strange or wrong; it is simply another way a person can understand their own body and their own relationships. Unfortunately there can be a lot of misunderstanding from our families and friends if they have not heard about this. If what I talk about in this article feels right to you, it is possible you are asexual, but that is for you to decide. There are resources available, including www.whatisasexuality.com to help you learn about this.
It can be both exciting and scary to discover new things about yourself. Caring people are always available to help you talk about what you are feeling. The Klinic phone line is always available for you to call for support at 204-786-8686.
Ate Anna wishes you the best in your journey as you learn more about yourself!
Ate Anna welcomes your questions and comments. Please write to: Ate Anna, Suite 200- 226 Osborne St. N., Winnipeg, MB R3C 1V4 or e-mail: info@serc.mb.ca. Please visit us at www.serc.mb.ca. You will find reliable information and links for many resources on the subject of sexuality.