Opinions
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The rising cost-of-living is testing romantic partnerships |
by Cheryl Dizon-Reynante
The Canadian dream of a stable home, savings, and living comfortably seems unreachable to many people nowadays. A recent CBC Newsarticle reported that community organizations in Winnipeg such as food banks are highly in-demand because Manitobans are struggling to afford groceries.
Many people are thinking about rising rent costs, steep mortgage interest rates, and the increasing costs of everything from groceries to gas to movie tickets. An unfortunate side effect is that this stress is affecting many romantic relationships.
When inflation spikes and housing options shrink, the fallout is rarely just financial, it is also interpersonal. Financial stress has always been a leading predictor of relationship unhappiness, arguments between partners, and divorce. Today, Canadian couples are faced with longer periods of financial strain combined with a shortage of available and affordable housing.
To protect your relationship with your special someone, it is important to understand why the cost-of-living crisis is straining relationships. When survival becomes the daily priority, the emotional buffer that keeps relationships healthy begins to be tested.
- High-stakes micro-arguments:Small everyday purchases, like buying an expensive coffee or takeout, can suddenly cause intense arguments about budgets, trust, and shared values. When budgets are razor-thin, a small purchase by one partner can feel like a threat to the other.
- The intimacy and energy drain:Financial anxiety over months or even years can trigger a prolonged fight-or-flight response in the human nervous system. Resentment and exhaustion build quickly when one or both partners are working multiple jobs or picking up overtime just to survive. When you use all your time, energy, and patience at work, there is not a lot left when you go home. Quality time together, physical affection and long conversations do not happen as often as before.
- Trapped under one roof:In the past, unhappy couples had the option to separate and find independent housing. Today, the severe housing shortage and high rent and mortgage rates trap couples into cramped spaces together because moving out is a financial impossibility. This forced living situation intensifies existing friction, turning homes into unpleasant environments.
- The loss of future milestones: Many couples rely on shared goals, like buying a first or bigger home, starting a family, or planning a trip, to build a sense of shared purpose. When these milestones are pushed out of reach because of financial stress, partnerships can suffer from a strong sense of grief and feeling of being “stuck.”
Practical ways to protect your partnership
So, what can help couples to survive financial hardship? Having a plan! Couples must change their mindset and not view their loved one as the enemy, but as their partner. For example, don’t think “it’s you versus me;” but instead, “it’s us versus the bills.”
1. Be open about finances
The unknown can lead to anxiety and fear, so always avoid having secrets – financial or any other kind.
- Schedule regular “money meetings”:Set a regular time in the calendar to review budgets, bills, and savings. Keep this meeting specific to finances only, and make sure that it happens when both partners are rested and fed.
- Establish Spending Boundaries:Agree on a specific maximum dollar amount (e.g., $40) that either partner can spend without consulting the other. This eliminates surprise arguments and restores a sense of independence, even within a tight budget.
- Set Aside Money for Each Person:If the budget allows, even in a small way, allocate an equal “allowance” to each partner. This prevents any unhealthy emotions of feeling like a parent in the relationship.
2. Choose your words wisely
The words couples use during a crisis can influence whether they drift apart or draw closer.
- Use “we” and “our”:When discussing financial hurdles, be careful how you talk about the problem. Instead of asking, “Why did you spend so much on gas?” change it to, “How can we adjust our weekly budget to cover the rising cost of gas?”
- Validate the external pressure:Say to each other that the stress you both feel is real and valid. Remind your partner that their inability to easily afford things right now is because of the economic climate, not because they are a failure, lazy, or selfish.
3. Navigate cramped living quarters
When physical space is limited, psychological boundaries must become stronger.
- Use free public spaces:Spending 24/7 in a small apartment creates claustrophobia and irritation. Make a habit of going to public spaces like local libraries, community centres, and parks. These areas allow people to de-stress at low or no-cost.
- Stagger routines:If a small kitchen or bathroom causes morning arguments, intentionally stagger your wake-up times by 15 or 20 minutes to give each person physical breathing room.
The current Canadian economic landscape can unfortunately, be a barrier to romance. However, if couples can survive it, their relationship can become stronger and more resilient. The economy may be outside of your control, but how you treat each other within the walls of your home remains entirely up to you.
Cheryl Dizon-Reynante is a licensed therapist with the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association.