Dear Ate Anna,

We came to Canada about two years ago. We are still adjusting to this country and many things are new to us. My son is a teenager and he has adapted very fast; now he speaks and talks like his Canadian friends. Sometimes he gives me headaches. The other day, he went out with his friends and I told him not to come home late. But he talked back: “Mom, chill out! This is Canada. I am free to do what I want.” Ate Anna, I am frustrated and feel hurt. I want him to be safe. I want to be a good parent. What can I do?

–Rosella

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Dear Rosella,

As parents, we love our children and care about them very much. Like you, we are worried about the safety of our children. That’s why we are so concerned about our children’s friends, what activities they are doing, or what time they come back home.

Rosella, it is true that children usually adapt to the new country at a faster pace than their parents. Parents take time to adapt and they may face many stresses during this period of time. They need to find employment and housing. Their educational or professional credentials may not be recognised in Canada and they may need to start all over again. Usually newcomer parents do not have the support of their families who are left behind in Philippines. So they now have to juggle work, household chores and taking care of children, etc. On top of these stresses, raising children – in particular teenaged children, is a new and challenging experience.

Like your son, immigrant children often have the perception that they have the freedom to do whatever they want in Canada. They may get this idea from TV, from their friends or from seeing teenagers hanging around at the convenience stores when it is late at night. This is not true for all Canadian-born children. But teenagers often like challenging their parents and testing their parents’ limits. It is, however, important for parents to set reasonable rules and boundaries for their children.

Also, children sometimes receive information faster than their parents. They learn in school that children have the right to be protected from physical and mental harm. Some children may even use the law to turn against their parents by saying or bluffing: “In Canada, you cannot force me to do things that I don’t like. I’ll call 911.” Many immigrant parents come from strict families where discipline was enforced in a physical way. The parenting methods that they are familiar with no longer work here in Canada. Because of this, some parents may feel powerless and believe that their right to discipline has been taken away from them.

Rosella, Ate Anna believes that you came to Canada because you want to have a better future for your children. You are probably hoping that they will have a better education that allows them to have opportunities that you did not have back home. It is important to remember that coming to this new country does not mean that you become less of a parent. A parent is always a parent. You have parental rights, as well, and responsibilities to guide and give direction to your children; to help them to become responsible people. You may need to make some changes and adapt your approach to raising children in this new environment. You may need to learn new ways to connect and communicate with your children to build a better relationship with them.

Sometimes parents feel stressed out and need to re-energize by talking with or hearing other parents who are dealing with the similar family issues. Ate Anna invites you and other new immigrant parents and teenagers to come to An Evening with Ate Anna event on March 18, 2010 at CB’s Restaurant, 84 Isabel St. You will have an opportunity to hear the experience of a newcomer family and the perspective of their children. This is a free event – an evening out for parents and their teenaged children with dinner, draws for prizes, entertainment and fun. Seating is limited. Reservations are required. For more information or to make a reservation, please see the notice in this issue of the Pilipino Express or call Ate Anna at 982-7811. Hope to see you there!

Take care,
Ate Anna

Ate Anna welcomes your questions and comments. Please write to: Ate Anna, Suite 200 – 226 Osborne St. N., Winnipeg, MB R3C 1V4 or e-mail: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

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