Midlife changes: the new normal – continued

In the last article Ate Anna answered Gina’s question about some of the sexual changes that commonly occur during the mid-life years. Women may complain that they are not as interested in their sexual relationship as they once were. Men often complain that they have problems with erections. It is important to understand that many of these changes are normal and do not have to be the end of a couple’s sexual relationship. As well, it doesn’t always mean that there is a medical problem.

If a woman has problems with dryness during sex, her mood and interest in sex will certainly be affected. Using a lubricant can help deal with this problem. Water-based lubricants can be found at the grocery store or pharmacy near the condoms or feminine hygiene products. Extra lubrication is especially important if a couple is using condoms – for comfort and to reduce the possibility of the condom breaking. If vaginal dryness is an ongoing problem, regular use of a moisturizer like Replenscan be helpful. Some women will need to use an estrogen cream or gel, but these will have to be prescribed by a doctor.

If a man is having difficulty getting or keeping an erection and there is no medical reason, he needs to talk to his partner. That way they can deal with the situation together. They may just need to learn about the normal changes that come with getting older and figure out what changes to make in their lovemaking to help stimulate the penis.

Lifestyle factors can also play a role in how a person feels about sex. Stress, lack of exercise, poor eating habits, cigarette smoking and alcohol/drug use all take a greater toll on a person’s sexual responsiveness as he or she gets older.

If a man or woman is taking medication or is concerned that sexual changes are the result of a medical problem, he or she should visit the doctor. Often the doctor can change the medication to one that has fewer or no sexual side effects. Doctors, themselves, sometimes feel uncomfortable asking patient about their sexual relationship. If this is the case, it is important to introduce the topic by asking questions and being specific about any concerns you have.

Sometimes the solution is simply taking more time for sex with less of a focus on intercourse. For example, making the time to enjoy the physical sensations of other types of touching, for example a loving massage. There are books and Internet sites written specifically for couples who want to continue enjoying their sexual relationships as they get older. A couple may need to be willing to try new things but neither partner should feel pressured to do something that makes him or her feel uncomfortable. However, couples often find that talking and being open to new ideas actually increases the intimacy in their relationship.

In this column Ate Anna is able to give readers only a few ideas for dealing with changes in their sexual relationship. The educators at SERC have developed an information package called Sexuality at Midlife and Beyond. This resource is available to anyone who would like to learn more about this topic. It includes a reading list with the names of some helpful books and reliable Internet sites for doing your own research. The handouts from the package can be printed from the SERC website www.serc.mb.cain the SERC for Everyonesection. Or you can write to Ate Anna at the address below with your name and address and a package will be mailed to you.

Knowing about the normal changes of midlife sexuality and how to deal with them can help a couple “think outside the box.” Remember, a couple’s ability to enjoy sex during midlife and beyond has a lot to do with how they think about it and whether or not they are able to talk about it. Gina, finding ways to keep or renew the intimate part of your relationship may help you and your husband enjoy your sexual relationship even more than before.

Take care,

Ate Anna

Ate Anna welcomes your questions and comments. Please write to: Ate Anna, Suite 200 – 226 Osborne Street N., Winnipeg, MB R3C 1V4 or e-mail: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

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